The goverment totally sucks

Todays title is from a song by tenacious D. Listen to it incase you havent. Let me explain why the goverment totally sucks. It all started out after watching snakes on a plane. I had gone out for dinner that night, we were a little short on cash so i payed the bill of Rs650 with my "goverment bank" (SBI) debit card. All went well untill i checked my account balance the next day only to relize they had deducted the bill amount twice. Went back to the hotel which was in santacruz, they checked their records and showed me that the card was swiped only once and it was a bank mistake.

Being a sunday, the bank was closed so i went today morning to the bank to get things cleared out. The bank guys say its the fault of the hotel. I had a talk with the service manager and he made me fill out a form saying that the money has been deducted twice from my account and he said that they will "look into it", i hope they really do. I was slightly relieved that i might get my 650bucks back. Time to head home, but there was a surprise waiting for me as soon as i stepped out of the bank. Since i am using song titles and movie titles a lot in my posts, lets say I was like "Dude wheres my bike?" Damn those towing people. I had not parked in a no parking area either, there were many other vehicles parked there but since mine was at the extreme left, they decided to tow my bike. They are corrupt to the core. I got a reciept saying "payment towards the goverment". I hate the goverment, the people working for the goverment must all die and rot in hell.

Total losses over this weekend

Debit card     = 650rs

Travelling back to the hotel  = 50rs

Towing charges                      = 200rs

Its been an expensive weekend. The goverment really does suck

A must watch movie

I was spending my Saturday afternoon just like most other people - flipping through channels. Found a movie that was just starting on HBO, so i decided to watch it. The movie was about this boy who witnesses a murder and is being escorted on a plane by an FBI agent to testify against the murderer. As Hollywood would have it, the bad guys are after him. There’s just one problem. He is on a plane. How do you kill a person on a plane? you crash the plane. (Give yourself 10 points if you guessed that right). There are many ways to crash a plane, Hollywood’s favorite being planting a bomb on the plane. But not these guys, they sneak in a payload of poisonous snakes and set up some timer that releases the snakes on the plane. Result, people panicking, screaming, running around, being chased by snakes. These snakes crawl around the plane biting on the electrical wires, with sparks flying everywhere damaging the planes electricals. Any ordinary snake would die or at least be stunned by the shock, but not these snakes. They are movie snakes, they are immune to electric shock. This describes 70% of the movie already. The next question on the directors mind would have been "how do I make a movie like this more interesting?" the answer was simple - kill pilot #1 and let pilot #2 be the hero who saves the day. So they go on to kill pilot #1 and after careful thought, they decide a snake bite will do the trick. Pilot #2 is still alive to fly the plane. But wait, they thought to themselves, The audience needs more excitement in this movie, why not kill pilot #2 as well? sounds like a good idea, doesn’t it? So there goes pilot #2, foolishly into the under carriage which he knows is full of snakes now, and surprise! Snake bite! The job of being the hero is now transferred to our FBI agent. He uses this innovative weapon made of a stick and a broken glass bottle at the end and stabs all the snakes that get in his way. By now the passengers realize that the plane can't fly itself and our FBI hero tries his best but he can’t fly the plane either. Then there’s a miracle, pilot #2 was no ordinary pilot either. He was a movie pilot too and was not dead after all, it was just a swollen arm that kept him unconscious for a while. The concerned stewardess asks him if he can still fly the plane and he grins at the stewardess as he says "A man can do many things with just one hand". Now it looks like the situation is under control, the snakes are locked up at the other end of the plane, passengers safe on the opposite side, so they decide to check on pilot #2. FBI guy heads to the cockpit door, knocks, no answer. He breaks the lock and pilot #2 is dead, again! They took away his "movie pilot" powers. Now the job of being the hero is transferred to this one kid who had over 2000 hours of flying experience, that is on a ps2 flight simulator game. But things are not so simple. The cockpit is still filled with snakes. Our FBI guy thinks to him self, how do I get snakes off the plane that is in mid air? The answer is simple - shoot out a window. Bang!  a hole in the window, All snakes get sucked out of it, they come flying from all over the plane. FBI guy saves the day. PS2 kid lands the plane which seemed similar to driving a car. When they land, anti venom is ready, everyone lives happily ever after. 

The directors had to give this movie a really good title so that it sells. After a lot of brain storming, they come up with the perfect name. The name is so perfect it tells the entire story of the movie in its 4 words. The title was 

- SNAKES ON A PLANE

(Creative indeed)

I hope my Saturday evening is spent doing something better

The week that wasn't

I may have copied the title of this post from the popular TV show, so what? sue me. Its been 1 week since my last post, and the fact that i haven’t posted a thing this week should be enough to get the message across that its been a really dull week. It was filled with work, some more work, and even more work. I even did a 15 hour shift on Thursday, was sick on Friday, recovered on Saturday and Sunday was.. well.. typical to say the least. made plans canceled plans, made more plans, canceled them too.. you get the drift. If you are still reading this you must be more bored than i was this week. 

Alright, lets get on with our lesson for this week. What’s the topic? you ask? I have used the word "week" 5 times already and that is exactly what i will be the teaching you'l today.

We will be studying the state of mind of an average middle class working  person through out the days of the week. I will give you 2 minutes to go get your notepad and pencils out, take notes, this information is priceless

Monday: Mondays are always coupled with the word "blues" for a reason. Getting back to the office after a relaxing and fun filled weekend is the culprit here. It's a drastic and sudden change from a fun filled day to a day filled with new pending issues to take care of at work. No one except the die hard workaholic can handle that change without falling victim to "Monday blues". Symptoms are a strong feeling of de-motivation and repeatedly asking your self "what am i doing here? "

Tuesday: One might think on a Tuesday you are better off than Mondays. But on the contrary, Tuesdays are worse. Reason you ask? You had that little bit of weekend energy left in you that helped get you through the Monday. Unfortunately that’s not the case with Tuesdays. And to make matters worse, the next weekend is still too far away. Do not forget that you are still recovering from Monday blues. It is similar to recovering from any sickness. You can't do anything fun, you must not exert yourself, In short, you have to just wait it through and pretty soon you will be humming to the tune of 'Tuesdays gone' (Its a song by metallica incase you are musically challenged).

Wednesday: Wednesday is where things start getting better. You are almost half way through the week. You can now see the light at the end of the tunnel. It may be a mere dot but it’s a light none the less. The trick is to be focused on the light and not look anywhere else. Now is the time to start planning out your next weekend, It will help in making the time go by faster.

Thursday: The light at the end of the tunnel just got bigger, It is the perfect time to officially "look forward" to the weekend. Imagine a bunch of cheer leaders standing besides you, telling you one more day to go! Just one day! you can do it!. I don’t want to ruin the image I just painted in your mind so let’s leave it at that and move on to the next day

Friday: The day we all wait for. The feeling on a Friday is the same as running the last lap of a marathon. As the day draws to an end, you make the final sprint towards the finish line, the crowd cheers, the anxiety can reach levels where it’s difficult to get work done during the last few hours of your shift. You finally reach the proverbial "light at the end of the tunnel" and like an Olympic runner, you run past the finish line , fall flat on the ground , heave a sigh of relief marking the end of the week long torturous race.

THE WEEKEND: Its time to celebrate! The weekend is here again, enjoy all you can while it lasts. It wont be long until you realize the light at the end of the tunnel was another oncoming train. Before you  know it, you are hit by the train and you wake up surrounded by people, in an enclosed box like room with a lot of commotion and chaos around you only to realize that.. Its Monday again and you are in your cubicle with your boss dumping a fresh new load of work on you.

That will be all from me for now, Till next time, have a great week ahead

The ATM hogger

You never know where you ‘ll find inspiration for the next post, it can be anywhere. I was short on cash today so I had to stop by the ATM, there was someone already in so I had to wait outside till that person was done. The waiting never seemed to end, that’s when it struck me. I had just discovered  this new breed of people whom I like to call  – The ATM hoggers. They are relatively easy to spot.  They are your typical middle aged to elderly people. You know you’re standing behind one when they take more than 5 minutes to complete their transaction. You can spot them even before they enter. They will be the ones digging through their purses/wallets/pockets to find the right ATM card. If you’re lucky, you can run and get to the machine before them. I must warn you, it’s a race against time and not everyone makes it. Once in, they have to ponder for at least a minute to remember the PIN code. You’d think it would be faster once they got the pin code, but you couldn’t be more wrong. Thanks to their cautiousness or inexperience in using ATM machines, they have to read EVERY word that’s printed on screen and get the “what does this button do?” expression before pushing any button. Now the next step you or me will take is enter the amount and withdraw the cash, but not these people. They need to check their available balance first. Put on their glasses, check the receipt. Then they finally get to the part where they withdraw the money and you are struck with the ray of hope that they are done. But you’re wrong again. How can they leave the machine without counting the cash first? Lets not forget the fact that it’s a machine and it almost always gives the correct amount , But what would you do if it gave you the wrong sum of money? Assuming the wrong sum is lesser than what you entered, what can you do? Yell at it? Unplug it? Kick it in the groin? There’s no point in counting your cash inside. Anyway, by now you must have been waiting outside for around 4-5 minutes, so what difference does a few more minutes make? They still need some more time to dig into their handbags/wallets/pockets to find the perfect place to keep their carefully counted sum of money and then finally they are out after struggling for a few seconds to find the door release switch. Most of them are conscious about the amount of time they took and try and avoid eye contact while leaving, however some of them are courteous enough to apologize. There are even those that plan the time they need in advance and ask you to go in before them, but they are a minority. 

Monday blues

I hate weekdays. Especially when the weather outside is pleasant and I am forced to sit between those 4 walls in an air-conditioned office building. Being air-conditioned, threes no way we can open the windows. We cant even open the blinds because of the glare on the hundreds of computer screens. And to top that off, they are even sound proof making sure all sounds stay out, except to the loud thunder. However, I do get my doze of fresh air during my regular evening breaks where i go for a short walk around the area. I think I’m complaining more because its been almost a month since my last ride and that voice inside of me has started nagging again that its time for the next ride. I've always wanted to go on a ride to malshej ghat before the monsoon ends, but the plan ends up getting canceled because people always back out. That deadline is getting closer now, I think I might do a solo trip there soon just to experience the greenery and waterfalls. But there’s one small little problem - I suck at directions

 

Things that annoy me - part II

I am back with a fresh new list of things that annoy me. Im sure the first one in my list will be one with which everyone  

will agree are the most annoying. 

They are..... 

(brace yourself)....

1)  The TELEMARKETERS

I don’t know how i missed them in the first post. The reason i remembered them now is because I was woken up pretty early today morning with the voice at the other end of the phone saying "Good morning sir i am calling from ICICI Prudentials". It’s ironic how they have the nerve to wake you up and still call it a GOOD morning. Needless to say, my response was a prompt "not interested" to which the voice at the other end reacted with in a disappointed low tone saying "But sir the other day you showed interest". Well, the other day when they called me, I was busy working and they just wouldn't hang up so i said i was busy and asked them to call back later. These guys actually try each and every extension of our office in a sequential order. I usually make the other guy in my cubicle answer these calls, but the last time he was not there so I had to answer it. I just hope they hate their jobs as much as i hate them.

2) People who use Internet slang while chatting

For simplicity sake, I will be rating these words on a scale of cool - cooler - coolest. It is important to keep the sarcasm factor in mind when using this scale. Lets start off with the first word

DA - This famous 2 letter word is supposed to be the cooler version of "the". If not cooler it is definitly the easier to spell amongst the two. Threes just one situation where it is ok to use the word DA. That is - If you are south Indian (or whichever part of india it is where they use the word da). At best, this word saves you from typing that one extra keystroke.

KEWL - This is supposed to be the coolest way to say cool. However, lets look at it from a more practical point of view. Cool and Kewl both have 4 letters, no advantage there. Cool on the other hand has the letter 'o' repeated twice, which means you don’t have to move your fingers all across the keyboard to type it, kewl isn't it?. It is even easier to spell than kewl. But still people who want to be cool use kewl. The only comprehensible reason one would use it is to make up for the one keystroke they missed while typing "DA". But then again, if that’s the reason, why use these words in the first place?

3) Waiting in line for a haircut.

Yesterday i tried going for a haircut, but the line was too big. which reminded me of the last time i went for a hair cut. It was around 4:30 pm on a Saturday. I thought the saloon would be empty since most people would be sleeping at home instead. But i was wrong, there were 3 old guys, and one college going guy, So i waited. The old guy was the first to finish (may be because of lack of hair in the first place) and it was my turn to go next, Or so i thought. But then the old guy had to get his hair colored too which would take another half n hour. After noticing the grey hair on the other 2 old guys my attention went towards the young guy who i thought would finish first. And finish first he did. But wait, he’s not getting off the chair.. Something must be wrong. Then he asks for some weird stinky hair oil. I figured hair oil wont take that long so i waited 10 minutes and he was done with the hair oil. I was about to get in again but the guy still didn’t get up. What more could he want from the saloon? I asked myself. and there came the answer. Now it was time for some facial... Damn those metrosexuals. Having seen enough i walked out to come back next week. At this rate, it wont be long until men start getting manicures and pedicures too.

Feel-Good Friday

Thanks to my net, this post is a few days late

Fridays have always been good. It is a day when you will notice a smile on everyone’s face in the office. There are many reasons for that, the weekend is few hours away, everyone is in casuals and so is the atmosphere, with people roaming around everywhere having fun. We had a team party too, with lots of cake. Its been a good day for me, mostly because i got rid of half of my workload today . By completing it off course, not by dumping it onto others (I don't have that high a designation yet :) ) . I also made a donation towards the Bihar flood relief fund today. That adds a lot towards the Feel-Good factor of the day. But apparently the day wasn’t so good to this friend of mine who had loads of work, so while leaving she suggested we take the longer route home and stop somewhere for ice-cream. We were off to find a ice cream parlor at 11:30 in the night. Wiped the rain drops off my bike seat, started the engine, hit the road and a little further ahead, there’s an ice cream parlor and a coffee shop right next to each other. We could have gone to the naturals ice-cream parlor. But no, we decide to have coffee at this place called 'Beans and Beyond'. Nice place, good coffee. After finishing my cafe latte with hazel nut flavor, we headed home at around midnight. I always liked coffee but there’s just one minor problem with midnight coffee. Yes you guessed right, you'd be sitting up in the wee hours of the night writing blogs instead of lying in bed where you rightfully should be. To make matters worse, my nets down again so i am writing this post in notepad while listening to pink floyd. With no net, there goes the number 1 way to kill time. If you’re lucky (make that - if I am lucky) you will get to read this first thing in the morning. I think I’ll watch some south park episodes while I wait for the caffeine levels to drop.

Into the wild

NIts been a typical work week with nothing much to write about. But for the last few days I just can't get the songs from the movie "into the wild" out of my head. These songs, written by eddie vedder the vocalist of pearl jam are the type of songs that grow on you everytime you listen to them. The movie is equally good. It's a true story about this student who gives away all his posessions including a 24,000$ savings account to charity and takes off backpacking accross North America to Alaska to live in a secluded place in the wild, meeting different people along the way. Eddie Vedder has done an amazing job in capturing the movie in every song. The lyrics of the songs are much better than the movie in giving you an idea of what was going on in his mind at that time. I'd suggest you watch the movie, and hear the album. It makes for some good late night music, Especially when working late in the office. Makes you wanna take off into the wild.

A few of my favourites are

-Guaranteed

Everyone I come across, in cages they bought
They think of me and my wandering, but I'm never what they thought
I've got my indignation, but I'm pure in all my thoughts
I'm alive...

Wind in my hair, I feel part of everywhere
Underneath my being is a road that disappeared
Late at night I hear the trees, they're singing with the dead
Overhead...

Leave it to me as I find a way to be
Consider me a satellite, forever orbiting
I knew all the rules, but the rules did not know me
Guaranteed

- No Ceiling

Comes the morning
When I can feel
That there's nothing left to be concealed
Moving on a scene surreal
No, my heart will never
Will never be far from here

Sure as I am breathing
Sure as I'm sad
I'll keep this wisdom in my flesh
I leave here believing more than I had
And there's a reason I'll be
A reason I'll be back

As I walk
The Hemisphere
*I've got* my wish
To up and disappear

- Society

Society, you're a crazy breed.
I hope you're not lonely, without me.

When you want more than you have, you think you need...
and when you think more then you want, your thoughts begin to bleed.
I think I need to find a bigger place...
cause when you have more than you think, you need more space.

Society, you're a crazy breed.
I hope you're not lonely, without me.
Society, crazy indeed...
I hope you're not lonely, without me.


Look up the lyrics of the others as well

A musical day

Today begin just like any ordinary day, but little did we know that it would turn out to be a real fun day. The day revolved around music. To start of, we made a last minute decision to go watch rock on. A couple of phone calls later and 3 of us (craig, anirban and me) were in for the movie. Come to think of it, its always been just the 3 of us for the last minute plans, may be because we are the only people that have nothing better to do while the others always have some excuse ready on the tip of their toungue. As usual i was the first to reach the theater and not wanting to miss the start, i brought the tickets and took my seat. 15 minutes into the movie the other 2 showed up. The movie was great, not your typical bollywood movie with couples dancing around trees in the rain (this one had men jumping around on the stage instead. and before you think of any wisecrack - No, thats not why i said the movie was  great). To be honest i found some of the lyrics a little bollywood-ish considering its portrayed as part of the rock genre, but the music was good. After the movie, we were off to celebrate another friends (varuns) birthday at SBX. I had suggested this place because i like the ambience there since they play my kind of music. They played tunes of artists like pinkfloyd, aoasis, audioslave, staind, santana, robbie williams and Without much delay we got started to work our way upto that 4 figure bill. Its amazing how given the right amount of alcohol guys can start debating on any given topic like they have been studying it for years. We had a whole lot of topics to discuss, starting from politics, to relegion and god, to how to enjoy life to the fullest, to the all important women. Offcourse sticking to the 'code of conduct' none of those discussions can be revealed to those that were not present at the time. Some of us (read: Anirban) were getting quiet philosophical too. I was more intrested in the music and wasn't listening to most of the conversation there. We called it quits when we were at the quarter mark to a 5 figured bill. I was bent on having coffee from one of those road side cycle guys that roam the streets at night. But since we didnt find any coffee stall we had our midnight coffee at a nearby CCD outlet and then headed home. I reached home at around 12:30 that night. It was a fun night and i must thank Varun for the treat. 

Things that annoy me

My net was down for the past 4 days so these posts are a few days overdue. Anyway, heres a small little list of things that annoy me, take carefull notes so that you dont fall in that category.

The first one would obviously be my ISP who even after repeated calling keep saying the net will work in 1 hour but it doesn't for days.

Off late i realized that people have forgotten how to cross roads. They are just plain ignorant (or stupid) towards the one rule that needs to keep in mind when it comes to crossing roads, and that is the famous "look both sides before crossing". Funny thing is most of the people look only one side - the opposite side from the oncoming traffic. The only way they will ever learn is if they get hit by a bus and survive to pass on the knowledge to their friends. 

There is this new breed of jay walkers that just step onto the middle of the road out of nowhere and give the traffic the half raised palm signaling them to halt. I have half a mind to run them over, but then they did show "THE PALM". how can one ignore the palm?  they expect meto slam on the brakes on the already wet and slippery road and if  lucky, not get hit from behind while i do so. I try my best to scare them into looking both sides, usually by sneaking up to them and hornking lound enough to make them jump. Yes, i am on a mission to rid the world of thier kind, one jaywalker at a time.

Another thing that annoys me is the spitters. Usually rickshaw drivers. They are the types that spit at every signal, without looking if someone is there next to them. sometimes when they spit too close to my bike i usually pretend do an inspection of the bike, making sure they looki, and check if any of it fell on my bike. Unfortunately theres no way to deal with them. I usually try giving them the dirty stare to invoke whatever little humiliation they have within. It's a pity that our political parties are more busy making sure that shops put up certain language signboards instead of looking into the more obvious issues of cleanliness and infrastructure. I havent heard of anyone dying of hunger just because the neighbourhood grocery store didn't have a sign board in their local language.

I will be updating this list very often, so keep checking.

The first post

I have always wanted to start a blog, there were many occasions where i thought of "blog-worthy"content but was too lazy to sign up and write it down. So i decided to take the step by step approach and sign up at blogspot first with hope that the laziness will be dialed down the next time and i might actually end up posting something here. Then came the ordeal of selecting a name for the blog. after half an hour of trying my luck, ending up with the message "sorry the name you have chosen is already taken", here i am with a new blog, using up one of the million possible names, and making it a little more difficult for the next blogger out there to register. Here you can expect to find details about the various weekend out of mumbai trips that i think i am addicted too. And keeping the title of this blog in mind, you may also find occasional random thought that comes to my mind which some may dismiss as being plain stupid but entertaining or amusing none the less.